it will not be so

it will not be so

When every spruce and fir are painted white,
the wintry scene dispenses pure delight
and all the world seems surely put to right,
but it is not so.

Where glistening shards of ice append the spout,
my curious dog approaches with her snout
and wonder wants to displace the dread and doubt,
but it cannot be so.

While pensive writers conjure enchanting tales,
their words and thoughts are shaped to allay travails,
the looming specter of terror inexorably pales,
but it must not be so.

Of angels among us we’re prompted to recall,
At least for a moment the enveloping shadows forestall,
Lest hopelessness leave us bereft of faith at all,
but it will not be so.

Eilidh

Eilidh

The newest member of the Blue Hill Ensworth household: Eilidh (pronounced “Ellie”), an almost nine-week old Australian Shepherd. We picked her up in Martha’s Vineyard Saturday.

The view

The view

Then Moses went up from the plains of Moab to Mount Nebo, to the top of Pisgah, which is opposite Jericho, and the Lord showed him the whole land: Gilead as far as Dan, all Naphtali, the land of Ephraim and Manasseh, all the land of Judah as far as the Western Sea, the Negeb, and the Plain — that is, the valley of Jericho, the city of palm trees — as far as Zoar. The Lord said to him, “This is the land of which I swore to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, saying, ‘I will give it to your descendants’; I have let you see it with your eyes, but you shall not cross over there.”

Then Moses, the servant of the Lord, died there in the land of Moab, at the Lord’s command. He was buried in a valley in the land of Moab, opposite Bethpeor, but no one knows his burial place to this day. Moses was one hundred twenty years old when he died; his sight was unimpaired and his vigor had not abated. The Israelites wept for Moses in the plains of Moab thirty days; then the period of mourning for Moses was ended.

Joshua son of Nun was full of the spirit of wisdom, because Moses had laid his hands on him; and the Israelites obeyed him, doing as the Lord had commanded Moses. Never since has there arisen a prophet in Israel like Moses, whom the Lord knew face to face. He was unequaled for all the signs and wonders that the Lord sent him to perform in the land of Egypt, against Pharaoh and all his servants and his entire land, and for all the mighty deeds and all the terrifying displays of power that Moses performed in the sight of all Israel.

It must have been quite a view, the view from the top of the mountain, from the summit of Mt. Nebo rising some 2300 feet above the plains of Moab at the eastern edge of the Jordan Valley.

You could see for yourself, of course, because Mt. Nebo is still there, in Jordan, about twenty miles south of Amman and thirty miles east of Jerusalem. From there, you could see what Moses saw, the whole Jordan Valley spreading out before you, flanked by mountain ranges north and west and by the desert and the Dead Sea to the south. You could look north as Moses did, toward Gilead and Galilee; and west toward Jerusalem and the heart of modern Israel, lands named by the ancient Israelites after their tribes, Judah and Ephraim and Manasseh, lands backed by the Western Sea, the Mediterranean; and you could look south toward the Negeb, the desert, and Zoar at the southern tip of the Dead Sea. You could see all of it, all the Canaan Moses saw, an expanse of land the size of New Jersey.

Moses was an old man when he stood atop that mountain, near death, but Deuteronomy, the fifth book of Torah, says he was still full of vigor and that he could see just fine. He could see that land, the land that he and the Hebrew refugees with him had waited forty years to see, the land of the promise. He could see it! At last, he could see it.

It had been more than a struggle to get there, half a lifetime of ordeal and peril and hunger and strife for Moses and the Israelites: hurriedly fleeing Egypt with Pharaoh’s armies at their heels, wandering endlessly in a barren wilderness with little to eat or drink, suffering attack by the people of the lands through which they traveled. For Moses in particular, it had been a struggle, a long and fraught journey, the last long chapter of what must have seemed to him like three lifetimes.

Saved from a kill order at his birth, there was his first life, growing into manhood as a member of the Egyptian court, living a life of privilege and possibility and ease, but unease, too, torn between two conflicting identities, unsettled by the sufferings of his birth-people, sufferings he saw, but did not share.

After personally taking vengeance upon a murderous Egyptian slave-master, Moses fled Egypt and settled in Midian, living his second and what may well have been his best life, quietly tending sheep, taking a wife, raising a family, living a life happy and peaceful and blessedly uneventful.

And then, God. And then, God … God confronting him, God commissioning him, God cajoling him, until finally Moses reluctantly agreed to return to Egypt to ask the king to let God’s people go. Then came his third life, the most difficult and dangerous and thankless of all.

Confronting the hard-hearted ruler of the mighty Egyptian empire was one thing, but that must have seemed a walk in the park compared to dealing with the relentless grousing and complaining and cowardice and ingratitude and bitterness and faithlessness of Moses’ own people. Oh, how they longed to be slaves again, more than happy to trade in the demands and risks of freedom for the easy and predictable misery of vassal servitude in Egypt!

And so it must have been a sweet view for Moses atop that mountain, knowing he had persisted, that he had endured, that he had succeeded in fulfilling his mission, God’s mission, bringing the people of the covenant to the brink of the land of promise.
But it was a bittersweet view, too, because he himself would not enter it. He could see it, but he would never set foot in that land, never make his bed there, never settle his family there, not die there.

Moses never reaped the rewards of his monumental effort. His only reward was to be remembered, to be remembered as God’s faithful prophet, one who performed signs and wonders like no other — not least of which was somehow managing to manage an unmanageable people!

And to be remembered as one whom God knew, one whom God knew, face to face. Is this what it means to be loved by God? Is this what it means to love God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind? To listen to God and to speak, to know God and to be known, face to face? With that kind of intimacy?

Moses stood atop that mountain and saw the land. He saw the land of promise, and then he died.

We are like Moses. My friends, we are like Moses, entirely, completely. There is nothing that Moses saw that we cannot see, nothing that Moses did that we cannot do, no relationship with God that Moses had that we cannot have.

There is nothing that Moses saw that we cannot see, nothing that Moses did that we cannot do, no relationship with God that Moses had that we cannot have.

We are like Moses. We too have our Midian times: times of honest work and a pleasant home life, times of blessing and contentment and peace. And we have our Egypt times: times of struggle and doubt and concern, seeing suffering and oppression and injustice all around us, feeling powerless and overwhelmed and beyond discouraged. And sometimes, like for me right now and maybe for you, we have both at the same time.

We are like Moses. We struggle with obstinance, with disbelief, with failure of courage, with bitterness and apathy, both in those we watch, but also in ourselves. Like Moses, we hesitate, we protest, we too would much prefer to stay home tending sheep and sitting down at the supper table with loved ones, and forget all about Egypt, forget all about the suffering, all the suffering we see, but do not share.

But we are like Moses. Like Moses, we are commissioned by God, called by God, called to go to the promised land and to take with us as many people as we can. Because our true home is there, that’s where we belong, that’s where all of us belong, in the land of promise, the peaceable kingdom, the realm of shalom, not somewhere else, but right here, this place, this world, as it will be when God’s will is done on earth as it is in heaven.
But we are like Moses. We will not get there. We will not enter it. You and I will not enter that promised land. But we can see it!

We can see it! We must see it! We must let the Lord lead us up the mountain and show us the view! The view is everything, the view is the reality that what God has promised will be. The way of shalom, the path of peace, is not the stuff of vain wishes and hopeless dreams. It is God’s promise. It is what will be. It is where God is leading us. And we can see it! From the top of the mountain, we can see it.

I like to climb Blue Hill. I like climbing out onto the open granite ledges on the southeast flank of the summit and taking in the view, the extraordinary view from the mountains of Acadia in the east to the Camden Hills in the west: Newbury Neck, Bartlett Island, Long Island, Naskeag Point, Isle au Haut, Blue Hill Bay, the inner and outer Blue Hill harbors, Eggemoggin Reach. It is almost — no, not almost — it is, for me, a spiritual experience, because it is there, seeing that view, gaining that perspective, that I remember who I am and what I am, that I am reminded of my place, my so small but important place, on this vast and beautiful earth. And it is there I feel most home.

The view is everything. So climb the mountain, take in the view, remember what God has called you to be and to do, and know that even though you and I may not set foot in the land of promise, it is there and it is our true home. It is our home, yours and mine, and all of us.

The psalm for this Sunday is Psalm 90, a psalm, a song, attributed to Moses. Stand now on top of the mountain with Moses and sing with him …

O Lord, you have always been our home.
Before you created the hills
or brought the world into being,
you were eternally God,
and will be God forever.

You tell us to return to what we were;
               you change us back to dust.
A thousand years to you are like one day;
               they are like yesterday, already gone,
               like a short hour in the night.
You carry us away like a flood;
               we last no longer than a dream.
We are like weeds that sprout in the morning,
               that grow and burst into bloom,
               then dry up and die in the evening.

Teach us how short our life is,
               so that we may become wise.

Fill us each morning with your constant love,
               so that we may sing and be glad all our life.
Let us, your servants, see your mighty deeds;
               let our descendants see your glorious might.
Lord our God, may your blessings be with us.

Lilies

Lilies

I don’t remember the name of the first
        Hail Mary, perhaps, or Scottish Fantasy
        Lavender Illusion or Gregorian Chant
I know that Blueberry Muffin and Giggle Creek
        didn’t come until later
        until after

After those first few bedraggled scapes
        were tenderly pushed into holes
        freshly dug in the red clay
pioneers lovingly chosen
        from among Don Church’s many children
        hidden behind tall juniper hedges

After the once alder-choked bank
        sloping gently above the Bar Harbor stones
        had been painstakingly cleared
trunks and branches and roots and rocks
        all pulled out to make of wild scrub a garden
        and of this acreage a home

They are the ones who made it ours
        Big Dolly and Lady Liz
        Grape Ice and Velvet Thunder
flaunting vibrant July colors
        on improbably thick petals
        filling the landscape, and us, with joy

Now there are thirty
        bearing seventeen different names
        some of them divided several times over
delightfully delicate daylilies
        their dazzling presence declaring
        they belong here and so do we

bifurcation

bifurcation

I am not one but two
a soul filled with wonder and
a soul filled with horror
delight and dread
gratitude and grief
unfathomable gratitude and inconsolable grief

diamonds of sunlight dance on wavelets
as cool autumn breezes waft over the Reach
while air choked and cloying weighs over
ruptured bodies in Tel Aviv and Gaza City

black-clad dancers lilt and whirl
bringing a cello suite to rapturous life
while khaki-clad militants fire round after round
composing their own discordant symphony of death

squash pear soup and Tinder Hearth bread
attend tender conversation with kind-hearted neighbors
while tortured screams and violent sobbing
wash over the rubbled remnants of a family home

delight and dread
wonder and horror
gratitude and grief
wholehearted gratitude and heart-wrenching grief
I am not one but two
Kyrie eleison …

into the chill grey dawn

into the chill grey dawn

into the chill grey dawn
over the dew-dripped lawn
treacled a half-grown fawn
out of the stillness

gunmetal sky hangs low
caressing birch below
as north winds gently blow
over the stillness

out of grey oaks so tall
from branches big and small
numberless acorns fall
into the stillness

slate-colored stone ledge curls
softened by green thyme swirls
under the gamboling squirrels
goading the stillness

all too soon morning blooms
and day’s agenda looms
but my soul still communes
with the stillness

September

September

It was not September, but August.  We were in Maine for the celebration of my parents’ fiftieth wedding anniversary, which is not August, but September, September 7.  September is the month of my father’s birthday, September 28, but that September, he would not have a birthday.  Nor would some three thousand other folk have another birthday, because of one particular day in that September, September 11.

But it was August, not September, and we knew nothing of planes flying into buildings, and my father was still with me, with me, just me, just the two of us, sharing one more climb up Blue Hill, my father at almost seventy-nine, almost because it was still August, not September, still fit, ascending the steep ramps of the Osgood Trail at his own pace, slow, but steady and sure.  We talked as we climbed, deep talk, deeply personal talk, meaningful talk, the kind of talk you can only have with a father who is frank and wise and compassionate.  We took a photo on the open ledges at the summit, my father and me atop the mountain for which the town is named, his home in retirement then, a retirement delayed much too long and doomed much too short, and my home in retirement now, a retirement I live not only for me but for him, too, for the retirement he did not have.

It was August, not September, not the month my sister wanted to hold the anniversary party because it was after all my parents’ actual wedding month, but I objected because I could not come in September, because I was much too busy in September with my work, and if we had planned the celebration for September, as my sister wanted, my father would not have been there.

But it was August, not September, and my father was there and my mother was there and my sister was there and my brother was there and I was there, and dozens of my father and mother’s dearest friends were there, gathered from all around the country into an upper room at the Jordan Pond House, eating and laughing and making our tributes to a man and a woman whose shared life had an immeasurable impact on ours. 

It was a most wonderful August evening, not September but August, a most wonderful and unforgettable August evening, my father’s face luminescent, reflecting the warmth of the words that filled the room and his heart, glowing with the joy of a life lived with his one bride, their love hard-earned but now surer and more intimate than ever, radiating the knowledge of a grace deeper than words, that gave him his life and made it what it was and freed him to give the same to us.  It was August, not September, because when September came, he was already gone.

On a painting by Picasso

On a painting by Picasso

Les deux saltimbanques

sisters
as are wont
more different than alike

the elder
drawn and angular
hooked nose, bent fingers, spiked chin, flattened eyes
straight hair tautly pulled back from her face
sharp-cornered elbows echoed in the sharp corners of her somber-hued sweater
perturbed, inquiet, brooding, unpresent

the younger
all curves
round eyes, curved chin, curled fingers, arched brows
untamed swirls of softly-curled hair spilling over her forehead
warmly-bright lips reflected in the oranges and reds of her warmly-bright sweater
languid, dreamy, receptive, guileless

sisters
as are wont
brought close by fashion, but of different worlds
moon and sun, Chione and Persephone, Martha and Mary
one burdened by what she has seen, the other keen for what she has yet to see
one already dying, the other pregnant with possibility

sisters
in this moment caught together
but in the next and always and forever
apart

 

(N.B.  Since writing the poem this morning, I have discovered that the two depicted in the portrait are indeed a man and a woman, “Harlequin and his companion,” though I still see sisters!)